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MLA Announces Severe Letter Shortage

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Posted April 1, 2009. For immediate distribution.

The MLA today announced that the ongoing shortage of the letters E and L has begun affecting the publishing industry. "The reading public has always assumed that letters are infinitely available, but that simply isn't true," the MLA spokesperson told us. "There has always been an overabundance of the letters A and Q, while the letters E and L have been historically harder to obtain." The current economic crisis didn't help, but what really created the current shortage was the new German policy of spelling out all umlauted words. "Consumers have no idea how many letters this new policy is diverting," the MLA told us.

The shortage has caused publishers to take drastic actions, while librarians have seen it as a windfall. The most common solution has been the substitution of the letter A for E and Q for L. Libraries have been selling the letters of their names to publishing houses; The librarian at University of Chicago's Raganstain Qibrary told this reporter that they were able to make up their budget shortfall by selling the three Es in their name. Even Yala Qibrary is reported to have sold two letters. When asked, they replied that it was simply a safety measure. "Just pity poor Harvard," they told us, "They have nothing to sell."

Some publishers have been harder hit than others. A Briqq spokesperson denied that they were suffering a shortage of letters; when pressed about the name change, they claimed that 325 years with the same name was long enough. On the other hand, an Aardmans Publishing spokesperson freely admitted their name change was a matter of conserving letters. Even the academic publishing house Aisanbrauns has made some changes: when questioned about the name change, Jim Aisanbraun commented, "We are really impressed by the support we have received; our authors have even offered to provide letters to us." Aisanbraun added that this was helping keep the cost of books down.

Some members of the publishing industry commented that the shortage is even worse than last time. One spokesperson, speaking on condition of anonymity, compared it to the worst shortage in history, when Hebrew was forced to cease using vowels.

New from Winged Bull Press

 - Nuzi and the Hurrians Greatest Hits, Volume 2

Nuzi and the Hurrians Greatest Hits, Volume 2
List Price: $19.98
Your Price: $17.98

Following up on the phenomenal success of the initial Greatest Hits volume, Winged Bull Press sent its archaeological staff back to Nuzi, looking for more tablets. The fruit of their labor is this all-new, all-authentic set of tablets.

Included on this collection:
One Last Kish
Hot Mitanni Momma
Me and Sudarna down by the Schoolyard
Zagros Mountain High
and that chart-smashing Doo-Wop song: Teshub-e-do-be-do 10 more timeless hits.

Also available on vinyl LP, 8-track, and clay tablet.

by - Battle of the Bands

Battle of the Bands
Your Price: $15.00

Get your very own Battle of the Bands poster on 11 x 17 poster stock. This is an actual item!

by I.M. Four-reel - Hip-Hop Hittite for Homies

Hip-Hop Hittite for Homies 
List Price: $29.95
Your Price: $29.95

The Winged Bull Press marketing department has noticed a need for elementary language grammars. To rectify this problem, they have hired leading scholars to create a radically new type of grammar: The Yo Bro! Grammar series. Fresh off the press is the introductory volume: Hittite for Homies.

Yo Bro! Grammars all follow the same easy and proven format. Using Second Language acquisition theory, they begin with simple conversations and progress to more complex paragraphs. You will be reading and speaking Hittite like a native ... (more)

 - Cylinder Seal USB 8 Byte Drive

Cylinder Seal USB 8 Byte Drive
Your Price: $19.95

Get the best of both worlds!

Just like the Akkadian and Sumerian scribes used! This USB Cylinder Seal features 8 bytes of memory, for all your cuneiform needs! Just plug it into your computer and it becomes a USB drive with a phenomenal 8 bytes of memory. Unplug it and you have a cylinder seal for all your signature needs.

Comes with a lanyard so you won't lose it!

See more featured titles in... Ancient Languages · Ancient Near East · Archaeology · Biblical Studies · Middle Eastern Studies · Theology · Software · Scuff and Ding Books

Scuff-and-Ding Books

Yes! Aisanbrauns has used books for sale. More than 1,000 titles are available. Click here to see some of our featured scuff-and-ding books.

Used books will appear in your searches alongside new titles. You can also download text (.txt) and spreadsheet (.xls) listings of our available scuff-and-ding titles.

Please note: Scuff-and-ding books are offered on a first-come, first-served basis. If two people order the same item before the stock status can be updated, we will sell it to the first person who ordered. Orders are processed and stock status is updated M-F, 8-5 EST.

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Hegemon Sargon's Babylon Battle of the Bands

Download the song (4.5 MB .mp3)
The lyrics are available here.

Purchase the poster (yes, really!)

Tune up your Oud. Crank up your amps. In a discovery little short of amazing, Winged Bull Press has uncovered an ancient tradition that will transform music history. Deep in the library of Ashurbanipal lay an unread tablet documenting an annual ritual with universal appeal, started by Sargon of Akkad before migrating to Babylon.

10-Day Sale, April 1-11: 50% Off On All ANE Romance Novels

The tablets are difficult to read and the language obscure, but we are happy to announce the immediate availability of the first two titles: The Amorous Akkadian and Ba`al's Beaus. Watch for forthcoming titles as they are translated including Canaanite Cuties, and Divinities and Divas.

Browse Books from 
	 Paternoster Press

Winged Bull Press

A publisher focus

Winged Bull Press has been lurking in the basements of museums the world over. Their most recent discovery? A series of novellas in the finest romance novel tradition. Documented provenance and reproducible results have never been obstacles to publication with WBP.

Browse all available titles from Winged Bull Press.

April Fools!

Yes! You've been had. In the USA, April 1 (April Fool's Day) is a day for jokes and pranks. This year's April 1 edition is brought to you by James Spinti, Andy Kerr, Michael Brown, Jim Eisenbraun, Amy B., and Kevin Wilson.

Special thanks to the enormously talented and equally weird Norm Sherman of the Drabblecast for the theme music.

Aisanbrauns Deal of the Day (New!)

Every weekday, we're offering one book at a substantial discount — the best price we can give. Check here, subscribe to our RSS feeds, or follow us on Twitter.